Samstag, 11. Mai 2013

Shades of Yellow

WOW. Sitting on the train from Chalkida to Katerini, Greece...why? Hmm, I’m on the way to visit friends in the north of the country and talk about my personal yoga practice and experience in an asana workshop.

Why I am here in Greece? The last 4 weeks I’ve spent in an community as a Wwofer (WorldWideOrganicFarmer) aka Volunteer. I was weeding on the field, I was cooking vegan delis and doing loads of laundry, important, simple tasks which allowed me to switch off the noise in my brains.

Some of these tasks took me to my physical edge, some to the emotional. I had these particular might know them, too, something like: „I don’t want to do this anymore“ but kept going anyway. „I can’t do this anymore“ and kept going till I thought I’m gonna fall apart or burst into tears, through all this struggling, all these monkey fights, I sticked with my tasks. Somehow, deep inside, I knew I had to, not in order to impress or serve anyone....
these jobs were about something different, I tried to listen carefully and received teachings about the ego and its made up mind fuck. (sorry, but sometimes that’s just what it is!) and my bodies ability to go beyond strength or weakness. What I found is lightness. And this was not for free.
And I’m thankful for the blisters in my palm, for being able to fold fitted sheets neatly and for 365 recipes of Spanakorizo, hehehe.

I came to sunshine house without any expectations. I knew the place from before, and I knew it was the place to continue with my self healing, I knew I wanted to free my mind, open up, blabla, all this, u know, what ever that meant to me four weeks ago. I understand and feel it now, I’d say, at least a little more, enough for the moment. I can continue with my work, let’s put it like this.

We did this women's circle, Kerys guided us through several rituals, made us exchange locked away stories in this save circle we created.
I always had a female body, yes. Never appreciated it though, I knew I was a woman, of course, but that did not mean anything special to me. I wanted to function in this world, I wanted to be treated with respect, wanted to be admired for what I created and had built up. I was fully in a male YANG energy, like most of us are, i’d say. Nothing wrong about that, just recently I found out how good it feels and how healing it is, to commit to the female power in me. To fully commit to womanhood.
Not to ignore zyklus anymore, but to use this different stages or qualities of energy for creation, contemplation and for love at large.

Am I here, in this life, this incarnation, to be a mother? This question has been bothering me for quite a while, yes, I can say now, I am! I am a woman and I sure have a lot to share with a next, upcoming generation. My opinion about women was not the best, to speak the truth, but there is certainly some great ladies out there and I’m proud to be one of them!

I saw myself as the end of a chain. I wanted to break out and certainly did, I created the lifestyle that matches me.  Recently I realized I’m free to start a new chain! Take a close look to the one I come from, look at it’s recyclable parts and the antique ones, take them all to the compost, and use this parts as an inspiring source, to grow new things.
I would never re-chew compost, but it definitely has a nourishing quality.

Chain breaking, yes.

Watering plants with menstruation blood, in order to nourish and give back to mother earth. How powerful and exciting is this!! I’m now looking forward to my next period instead of being surprised and annoyed about it. I am a woman.

So after years I spent working with my hips, my pelvis, my muladharachakra etc. I finally got to the point. Form the surface to the seed, the cervix, I’d say the closest spot, or the deepest related area to the first chakra.
Aware of this very female body part, I’m telling it SHANTI, which means PEACE. Ask it to loosen up, release all the stories stored in tens tissue, transform it and move it upwards!

Via orange to yellow.

And then it hit me hard!
After committing to womanhood, finding confidence and trust from new sisters, after being allowed to sense pleasure and feeling a sweet high, I fell deep, spotlight on chakra 3. TATAAAAA!

I thought it was done by now. But no. Just no. Not done yet.

Eating disorder. A little sister was walking around the place as my mirror, many thanks to her for her trust and her sharing, this brave being was shaking me hard, asking me questions and making me listen to what I say about relations to food, my relation to it and my theories about observatories. Confidence comes from this 3rd chakra and since I know what I am and what my actual task is I see the light inside me, I feel the strength it gives me to look at this issue and understand it.
I stop overeating to distract myself and to avoid hearing the doubting voices from inside, these voices are gone! Adios!! There is no artificial way for grounding, not even if it’s made of organic cookies.
Meditation as Medication!
I will heal now. I found peace. I am a woman.

Massive thanks to!! Thank you for providing this very special place and for having me there!

1 Kommentar:

  1. Namaste Martina
    Great to read your post - thanks for your honest words and thoughts! I wish you love, light and laughter!